This bit is, for the most part, a series of some of my earliest posts on the theme of the TROLL at ARBR, when I was still – somewhat naively, at least unrealistically optimistically – attempting with a dash of incisive humor to nudge the neolithic (nasty, not nice) Neanderthal toward non-intrusive netiquette. Some quotes from posts to the newsgroup are shown in italics, where they may help to provide some context for the multi-part poem. And yes, of course, ultimately this effort, like virtually all others to persuade the TROLL to positively modify its online behavior, was a spectacular failure. But hey, a lot of folks had almost as much fun reading it as I had writing it.
In the Smoking Gun... thread, trillingly trolleth the TROLL:
To want to talk about nothing but recumbents is the province of small and stunted minds and I will not allow myself to be limited like that.
I agree it would be a real shame
If all talk – unlike TROLLS? – were the same,
But I'm sure that most folks have a life,
Other forums, or even a wife,
And their 'limits' extend far beyond
This one newsgroup, a pretty small pond.
It's just fine to discuss politics,
When a reader peeks in on this group,
|Then we found this BS in the Stepped back in thread – OOOPS! I meant Stopped of course:
I am a good troll and enhance the group... Either top post or get lost, you dumbbell! ... That should be bottom post of course, but the rest of the statement stands... I am a good troll who loves to tweak the group... My only purpose in being here is to furnish some wit and knowledge and to occasionally tell a story or two...
In real life this TROLL may be a saint,
But at ARBR, it quite clearly ain't.
Though it says (twenty times) that's it's "good",
If the TROLL doesn't do what it should,
BOTTOM LINE: [May I have a drum roll?]
Folks, the TROLL is a TROLL is a TROLL!
And a TROLL is annoying at best,
Number One: When you sit down to type
For an internet forum to flow
Number Two: check the raw message count.
If there's twenty-five postings in all
Number Three? This TROLL writes all of us
Please don't share while you're picking your zits.
Number Four: those redundant repeats –
Number Five on this quick list of goals
Plus it's probably worthy of note:
Don't just blindly include the whole post;
Is that all that 'a TROLL with a heart'
|A little while later the TROLL returned with one of his typical blatant denials of patently obvious truth:
I also have never been obscene... just because I believe [NAME WITHELD TO PROTECT THE (RELATIVELY) INNOCENT] is a [BLEEP!-ing] asshole[, that] is not an obscenity...
The netiquette lesson resumed:
Some political putzes use spin –
Number Six on the list: Just BE NICE!
For this group to get back to the place
Last updated Nov 14 2007