If someday porkers learn to fly,
     This TROLL may leave, so you and I
Can use this Usenet newsgroup as intended,
     But barring that event, I doubt
     That things will happily work out,
And still more folks are bound to be offended
     By pointless, error-riddled posts,
     Obscene attacks, self-serving boasts,
Mistruths and contradictions unemended.

     This piteous, perverted TROLL
     Whose stream of vicious vitriole
Has been too loud and far too long extended,
     Repeats its repertoire of lies,
     Without the skills to realize
Its credibility has been suspended.
     Its lame attempts to feign reform
     Have not made anyone feel warm
In hope that TROLLish rants might soon be ended.

     Sock puppets with a thin disguise,
     False claims it's erudite or wise,
Are typical deceits the TROLL's pretended
     This newsgroup's readers won't detect,
     But that presumption's incorrect;
An ape that thumps its hairy chest, distended,
     Is much more likely to convince
     The skeptics in this audience
That it should be respected or commended.

     This TROLL's not tricking readers here;
     The fool's transparency's quite clear.
Its contradictions, bared but undefended,
     Were well refuted long ago;
     The TROLL may claim it doesn't know,
But that's just further proof that it's descended
     So far, so low that no one who
     Has any sense of what is true
Believes this truthless TROLL should be befriended.

     The TROLL should mostly be ignored
     As many posters have implored,
Its ev'ry thread and post left unattended.
     But hey – ignoring TROLLS is hard;
     When someone fails in that regard,
His firm resolve defeated and upended
     By insults that the TROLL has aimed
     Or spewed, the guy should not be blamed
For feeling his good name must be defended.

     If you're someone the TROLL's maligned,
     It may help some to bear in mind
It's not a primal force as it's contended.
     It's more like worthless sewage slime,
     And flaming it's a waste of time...
Although such actions might be recommended
     To please those readers who enjoy
     Putdowns of cretins who annoy
A group which otherwise might be well-blended.

     Guys, bottom line, the group's best hope
     Is that this foul, annoying dope
Will find its harmful attitude transcended
     By age or failing health, perhaps;
     If anybody cheers or claps,
I think he'll find such crassness comprehended
     By all those folks the TROLL's abused;
     If others claim they're not amused,
In secret they'll still think that outcome's splendid.

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Last updated Mar 22 2008