PIG!
[Rated PG; Not PC]




One local hill that's rugged, steep and tall,
Is known by off-road bikers as 'The Wall'.
Its switchback turns have deep eroded ruts,
Which often toss downhillers on their butts.

Two mountain bikers roaring down this slope,
Relying less on skill than faith or hope,
Went skidding through a turn as gravel sprayed
And spattered all around a boyish maid.
She'd stopped her climb to rest and take a swig,
And as the guys roared by her, she yelled "PIG!"

A guy named Pete was riding in the rear;
He rankled as her shout rang in his ear.
He looked around and started to retort,
But sneered and chuckled with a little snort.
His partner Dick had turned and bellowed "DYKE!"
Then something huge and grayish smacked Pete's bike.

His front wheel stopped but Pete kept flying on,
So far he feared he'd break a major bone.
He didn't, but he landed hard, then bounced.
He felt like he'd been walloped, punched and trounced.
He slid a bit then came to rest at last.
A monstrous pregnant sow came squealing past!

The cloud of dust was heavy, choking, thick;
It took some time to find his buddy Dick.
Dick's bike was in the brush outside the berm,
But Dick was... well, face plant's the common term.
The guys sat up and dully looked around,
Just as the girl ran down with one last bound.

"OH WOW! Are you guys hurt?" she softly cried.
They weren't unless you count their wounded pride.
Poor Pete sat speechless, sheepish, not like Dick,
Whose brain was very devious and quick.
Pete sat amazed and heard his partner say,
"Oh no we do this sort of thing for play.

"So, sweetheart, please don't fret; it's not your fault
That Pete needs practice on his forward vault."
"I tried to warn you, and I thought you'd heard,
But I had time for only that one word..."
She said as Pete mulled matters in his brain.
How odd the girl was trying to explain.

"I heard," said Dick, "And tried to spot a pig -
Not something that immense, so friggin' big.
My eyes were scanning, searching for a line
To ride around a tiny little swine.
Too late, I saw it, shifting down a cog,
So let me tell you, honey: that's a HOG!"

He smiled, "Oh, by the way, about my shout...
Please bear in mind what I warned you about.
Don't go up there; avoid her, please, just stop -
That butchy bitchy she-male up on top!"

POW Index

Last updated Nov 11 2004